Do you want to BE married or just GET married?

Marriage is one of the hottest topics today on the Internet, on social networks, in churches and even on the silver screen.   While I  have to admit that it appears the statistically, women are more preoccupied with the concept of marriage than men are, it still is a valued subject none the less.  Lord help us when marriage loses it’s global appeal.   With every generation several artists in the music industry release songs that are centered on the concept of marriage.   Just about every year around what some know as “marriage season”; that being between May and July, movies hit the big screen that have marriage and family as its central theme.     Marriage, or the violation of it, is often at the center of the most “juiciest” controversial issues in today’s society.   In Christianity, marriage is very much emphasized (as it should be).   Somewhere in the back of many a single persons mind  is the concept of meeting someone, falling in love with them, laughing with them, taking walks in the park while holding hands,  coming up with pet names for each other, being wined and dined until finally “he” falls on one knee at dinner, or at some public venue in front of people and pops the big question… “I want to be with you for the rest of my life, will you marry me?”.   With tears welling up in her eyes she looks at him and looks at the ring, then looks at him again and finally with a trembled, shaky voice she says… “Yes, I will marry you” (while everyone around you both begins applauding the two of you).   Then the scene in our mind jumps to the altar scene.   Big church, beautiful floral arrangements, bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower boy and girl, arched floral arrangement, preacher, vows, “I do’s”, romantic Hollywood kiss, pictures, reception with your traditional electric slide.  Unfortunately, just as the credits scroll up at that point in a Tyler Perry production, so do they the same in many people’s minds.   The scene was one of GETTING married…not BEING married.  

            If we took inventory of the world around us we might discover that there are more people who want to GET married than who want to BE married.   There are more people who have more of the wedding in mind than they do the marriage.   Many of you reading this who are married should be able to attest that its not just that simple.   Unless of course you’re starring in some kind of Blockbuster production.   Otherwise, the fact remains that BEING married has greater and deeper challenges than GETTING married.   The same it is with the Christian life.   It’s easier to BECOME a Christian than to BE one.   There are a lot of people who have gotten it twisted and have become intrigued with the IDEA of Marriage than with being married  in a practical sense.   I’d like to list a few distinct differences between GETTING married and BEING married as we explore this ever so relevant topic:

·      Getting married means that you repeat vows… BEING married means you keep them.

The vows at a wedding ceremony can sound so romantic and euphoric, especially when read with passion.  However, I wonder… do people really take the time to hear what they are saying?  Do we hear the promises we’re making?  “With ALL my earthly possessions”;  “Forsaking ALL others”;  “love, cherish AND OBEY”.   These are some monumental pronouncements and promises.   There are no “But if” clauses in these vows (unless of course you take the prenuptial route – smile).   There are generally no exception clauses in the vows.   Now, while I have to be honest and say that the vows themselves are not in the scriptures per say, but God has a lot to say about keeping vows.  Listen to the Lord…

Don’t make rash promises, and don’t be hasty

in bringing matters before God.

 After all, God is in heaven, and you are here on earth. So let your words be few.

Ecclesiastes 5:2 – New Living Translation

Wow!!!  God says that we should not make rash promises. Meaning thoughtless, hasty and idle of thought.   God has an expectation when we make a vow.   As a matter of fact it’s only sequential that expectation follow a vow.   Expectation creates dependency.  When we expect things, we depend on those things to happen or take place.  Thus keeping a vow is essential to the expectation and the dependency of the one we made it to.   GETTING married contains the RECITATION of the vows while BEING married shows the DEMONSTRATION of the vows.  GETTING married involves the EXPRESSION of the vows while BEING married engages the EXPERIENCE of the vows. Now… do you want to BE Married or just GET married??

·      Getting married is public with occasional private moments… BEING married is private with occasional public moments.

There are several things that are easier to do in front of the gazing eyes of the public.  Weddings can be very public.   An audience consisting of friends, family, and the mysterious group of unknowns that shows up to just about every public wedding.  Everyone watches,  the women in the audience look at the brides dress from the veil to the end of the long flowing train.  The men in the audience look at the bridesmaids (just kidding…I think).  However, everyone is looking, listening and taking everything in that they could see and hear.   Of course there are some looks that are private between the groom and bride that the audience is not privy to.  That’s GETTING married.   Then comes BEING married… the audience leaves after devouring the buffalo wings, meatballs, carrots and celery sticks, cake and drinking the bubbly.  BEING married begins.   A very private, undisclosed state of being.   If the romance and love was a “GETTING” married type of love and romance, it will fade in privacy of  “BEING” married.   Heaven’s truth about marriage is that there is no other earthly relationship that God says that two become one.   Listen to God…

This explains why a man leaves his father

 and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

Genesis 2:24 – New Living Translation

Hmm!!  This is the only earthly relationship that the bible says has this characteristic.  Not even between a parent and child is this kind of closeness described.   This is a private connection, an exclusive closeness, an inseparable tie, an RSVP of one to one.  This is what must be maintained in “BEING” married.   “GETTING” married is the public face of what should be a private exclusive relationship.  Now… Do you want to “BE” married or just “GET” married?

To be continued... (feel free to comment)